Embodying the light...

"I'm not looking for the best players, I'm looking for the right players."

- The film "Miracle"

Chapter 27, from the Tao Te Ching, translated by Stephen Mitchell

A good traveler has no fixed plans
and is not intent upon arriving.
A good artist lets his intuition
lead him wherever it wants.
A good scientist has freed himself of concepts
and keeps his mind open to what is.

Thus the Master is available to all people
and doesn't reject anyone.
He is ready to use all situations
and doesn't waste anything.
This is called embodying the light.

What is a good man but a bad man's teacher?
What is a bad man but a good man's job?
If you don't understand this, you will get lost,
however intelligent you are.
It is the great secret.

Isn't it always the case that we try to exist on our own devices, on our own cleverness, on our own egos and pomposity - until we realize that it's really all out of our hands?

If I had a dollar for each time my ego, my belief in my own abilities, my arrogance got the better of me and came back to bite me in the butt - well, I'd be a millionaire.

My ego bit me in the butt recently, hit me upside the head in the studio when I realized that I was pushing, pushing, pushing, struggling, frustrated, beating myself up because I was expecting to have arrived. I was expecting to have it all figured out. Expecting to have all the answers. And they weren't coming, because I was clinging too much. Holding on too tightly. Forcing myself to breathe, instead of just taking in the air.

And then, I opened the Tao Te Ching this morning to this very chapter, with these all-too-appropriate words:

A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving.

If I just let go, just let intuition lead me, trust my body, allow energy to flow through me, and stop trying to force a premature "arrival," stop trying to force a tight and tense victory, then things will fall into place.

I will be a good traveler. Worlds is a highlight on the journey, but it is not the fixed plan, not the place of arrival. It is simply an emboldening new learning experience along the way.

So, I will stop clinging so tightly. I will stop my painstaking inventory of my luggage (knees crossed, toes pointed, land on point there, jump higher, extend, extend, move move, focus focus), stop forcing myself to complete an impossibly long laundry list every time I dance, and I will instead let go.

I will stop trying to wring my body dry like a wet sponge - stop trying to force things out of my practice sessions. I will just let things arise out of them.

I will trust that the building blocks are there. I will trust my body. I will trust my training. I will trust my preparation.

I will embody the light.

I will not be intent upon arriving.

I will just ride the wave, and enjoy the journey.